February 24, 2008. Andy's Gotcha Day. The day we celebrate his birthmother, the choice she made, and Andy's grand entrance to our home and family. Last year, I remember vividly trying my hardest to remember and write down EVERYTHING I could about Andy's birthmother for him.... and for me. I remember being terrified I'd forget what she looks like. Then I wrote about my first night with my son..... everything from the sheer exhaustion I felt from not sleeping for... oh.... I think 40 hours-ish and how he woke every hour that first night. I got LOTS of cuddles that night; dang I miss baby cuddles! He was SOOOOO tiny! And I was, for the first time, literally, in a dream.... I was a mother! 

Often people aspire to careers, jobs, roles in life. A good friend of my is an aspiring physician. My husband desires and aspires to be a robotic engineer. I am an RN. I aspired to that role for many reasons, but what I've wanted to be my entire life was not an RN. I've always wanted to be a mother. I learned and developed the desire from a mother that was amazing throughout my childhood. She placed her children and husband first in her life. She is my best friend, mother, and a fantastic role model. Many women fear growing up to be their mother. I'd count myself as the luckiest person in the world to grow up to be my mother. I set my sights on aspiring to be like my mother. But as much as  I tried to "aspire" to being a mother, it can't happen when you can't get pregnant. It took the decision of one woman, two years ago to make me a mother. How does one express gratitude for the most perfect, wonderful gift in the universe? A chance to be a mother and a baby to love?  

So today, as we celebrate Andy coming into our house... and will continue to for all his life, we also celebrate N. and her choice. If she were here, if we had contact, it would be far more fulfilling; sharing this day with her. Since that isn't possible, we'll keep her in our memories and continue to teach Andy about his other mother until she finds us again!